The other morning my little W and I left to take a walk.  He brought me his shoes like a little puppy dog, just like he always does.  “Wahk!” he said so emphatically and with such pride. I helped him put on his shoes and off we went. Fellow boy moms can understand on a deeper level when I mention that it was garbage truck day, the highlight of our week, the center of our whole world.  Nothing excites my little boy quite as much as seeing our garbage cans go up into the truck and then back down again.  And if the garbage men wave to him? That is something he will talk about for the rest of the day! Garbage truck day is big, yall.

It also, ironically, makes my little guy nervous.  “Wowd,”(loud) he will tell me as we wait for its arrival.  In fact, his favorite spot to watch his favorite thing is in my arms or Daddy’s. A safe place where he can take it all in.  As we started down the driveway that morning, we heard the familiar squeak of the wheels.  W gasped in excitement, and before I knew it, my chubby little blonde-haired roly poly little boy reached up and grabbed my hand.  It was one of those moments that I could live my whole life inside of.

“She will take care of me,” his reaching for me seemed to say. “I’m safe with her.” The magnitude of that sweet little moment really struck me.  My mama heart was overwhelmed by the feeling of this tiny hand in mine, a hand that I know won’t reach for me forever.  I was so filled with gratitude for this precious time when it did.  I also felt the awesome responsibility of being “that person” for him, for both of my children.  It is me and my husband who they look to in order to feel safe, comforted, and secure.  I will turn the whole world upside down making sure they feel like that, but boy, that is a lot for a mama to carry on her shoulders don’t you think? Being “that person” means putting their needs before your own.  It means being brave and strong even when you don’t feel like it.  It means showing up every time those little eyes wander up to you or that hand finds its way into yours.  It means being present emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It’s big.  But it’s wonderful, and it is one of the greatest privileges of my life.

I’ll live for the next moment when I find his hand in mine.  And I will show up for him, for both of them.  Every single time.

Find the joy~

Jessica